In Honor of True Friendship
Loss of a True Friend
On February 7th, 1979, my beloved child, Charissa died, a victim of SIDS.
Since that day, many I loved have died. Tragically, the arch enemy cancer has stolen the lives of many of my friends and family, including my grandmother, Aunt Winnie, Aunt Rene, my mother, my brother-in-law, LeRoy, and my precious brother Lea.
You must be wondering where I am going with this. Today my heart is heavy. I have learned my precious friend, Melanie, lost her valiant fight against cancer.
A Compassionate Life
What’s my point? Many Christians are passionate about a belief they have. The difference with Melanie was her passions made her more alive, more compassionate, and helped make this world a better place.
She didn’t get on a soap box and preach at people or demand people change to fit her beliefs. Nor did she reject or judge you if you chose to believe differently than she did.
Because of her, I found freedom to explore the whole subject of Creationism without feeling like the foundation of my faith was disintegrating.
Acceptance and Courage
As I grappled with a new belief system, Melanie affirmed my dilemma and helped me explore points for and against the Young Earth belief that God created the Universe in 6 days. But she also gently encouraged me to step outside the box and explore the possibility of the Old Earth theory.
Because of her courage, I was able to come to the table with an open mind, willing to learn, unafraid to explore and ask questions, and unthreatened when my favorite belief crumbled to ashes. My life is richer and more grounded in truth because of Melanie’s friendship.
One of the secrets about the beauty of Melanie’s life is she was a true friend. The litmus test of genuine friendship is a true friend allows you freedom to be who you were created to be.
She (or he) does not judge you or demand you think or be a specific way. She doesn’t demand you perform or jump through hoops to make her feel good. She allows you freedom to think, encourages you to ask deep questions, and supports you as you make choices – according to truth that resonates deep within you.
Let me clarify the difference between being a “friend” and being a true friend. A “friend” can make you feel good in the short-term but in the long-term isn’t trustworthy. One day she (or he) will walk away, and you will be diminished.
A true friend gives of herself or himself and there is a flow. Gratitude is always the fruit because true friendship enriches.
I am deeply grateful for the conversations Melanie and I had as together we grappled with different topics that many did not find acceptable to question. I could speak without fearing rejection or criticism. Melanie loved me without conditions and provided an environment conducive for us both to grow.
The other day I sat down to write Melanie when I learned she was in hospital. I had heard a tape by Roger Forster, who had been my pastor when I lived in England, and knew she would enjoy it too. Roger said Genesis 1:14-19 – when God created the sun and the moon – is when Time began. That made total sense!
Scientific evidence shows the Earth is billions of years older than the Moon. If time didn’t begin prior to day 4, then the Young Earth theory could not be true! I laughed and immediately wanted to talk with Melanie.
Please don’t stop reading yet. Today, Melanie is with the Lord. She is face to face with Jesus, the Friend who sticks closer than a brother.
She knows the truth about whether God created life on an old Earth or whether He began with a young Earth in Genesis 1. I have a feeling when she met Jesus, they chatted about that. I can see her throwing her head back and laughing with delight when she learned which it was.
So, what’s my point? You and I would become far kinder and much more effective in communicating with others if we could forgive those who disagree with us and even laugh at what we staunchly believe.
The world would be a better place if we could learn to give grace instead of criticism or condemnation. The way Melanie did.
Sound good? Melanie, with a zest for life and a hunger for truth was a mighty warrior. She was deeply loved and she is precious in the sight of our beloved Lord, who has called her home.
God bless you my dear friend. May the sweet fragrance of your life continue to touch many over the coming days and years.
Barbara you are special. ♡
Thank you, Ted. I pray the Lord comforts your heart. Melanie was a very special lady and I know she prayed for you. God bless.
I am glad you are laughing. Laughter is very good for us.
Hello Cheryl, Thank you for your comment!
Laughter is indeed good for us. Thinking of Melanie makes me smile – even as tears slide down my cheeks. But there is a dimension that even in grief, we may remember joyful times and laugh – that can be very healing.
I think you would have liked Melanie. She was a free spirit. I can well imagine her laughing with joy as issues she grappled with here on earth are revealed in their fullness to her.
I pray you are improving and experiencing the reality of the joy of the Lord being your strength. God bless you!
I just reread your article this morning, and felt deeply touched by your words once again. Not only are you honoring the life of a friend, but you are giving us a call to a higher way of living. Facing the criticism and judgment of others, especially those we love can be devastating and infuriating. Your encouragement to respond with love and compassion rather than judgment is a difficult thing to hear. But a very important thing.
I’m thankful that while you are experiencing the pain of loss, you are also reaching out with love and truth. Thanks for that. I pray that God will continue to bless you and fill you with His comfort and strength.
Thank you, Lili for your kind encouragement. You are a blessing and your words brought joy to my heart.
The Lord has indeed called us to walk in love. Sadly it is easier to pass judgment. Forgiveness is costly but it is the only path to freedom and joy.
I pray the Lord enables you to release your pain and frustration to Him and that you experience the wonder of His healing touch. May the Lord surround you with precious people like Melanie who are a source of blessing and encouragement. And may He make you into the kind of person who is a genuine friend to others, a person who turns from judging and instead loves at all times. God bless you my dear. ❤️
Sounds like I would have liked her! Sooo sorry for the loss of your good friend but I bet she’s enjoying her graduation! also soo sorry that Charrisa didn’t get to hang out longer with you and Galina! What a treasure you both are ♥️❤️💕🎈
Thank you, Evy, you are sweet!
Graduation! I like that. Truly Melanie has graduated from this earth with all its temptations and pain to the place where is fully healed.
Thanks too for your sweet words about Charissa and about us. How wonderful that one day we will be reunited with our loved ones who have gone before us. That is a precious comfort and hope we have as Believers in Jesus. Love you lots! ❤️
How beautiful how you’ve captured Melanie’s legacy so that her life continues to reveal and testify to the touch of the True Friend in her heart! It sounds like she is one very special person. Thank you for sharing the qualities of a true friend and how we can all seek to love those in our lives whom we disagree with like Melanie. Pray the Lord comforts you through the grieving process.
Thank you, Joy. Yes, Melanie was a very special lady. I was privileged to know her.
The Lord Jesus modeled friendship for us; it is a very important role we can play in the lives of others. I pray you learn to allow the Holy Spirit to shape you into a true friend, one who encourages and who loves at all times.
Blessings.