A Love Letter to Hurting or Struggling Moms
Dear Mom,
You may be a mom whose heart is breaking. You might struggle with exhaustion from caring for a mentally challenged, special needs, or very ill child.
Perhaps you lost your child to death or your child was physically taken from you.
Your anguish may be overwhelming because you don’t know where your child is. He or she may be a runaway, or may have been stolen from your home. Now you waken in the night, tormented by fear you may never see your child again.
Possibly your child demonstrates self-destructive behaviors like bulemia, drug or alcohol addiction. Sadly, your beloved child may be in prison.
For you, Mother’s Day is not a happy day.
I grieve with you and write this letter in your honor. You are the true heroine. You are a mighty warrior, deeply loved by the Heavenly Father. You are engaged in one of the ugliest battles of life in which there may be little hope of a happy resolution.
Therefore, I applaud you.
You are one of the rank of women around our nation, indeed, around the world who press on in spite of deep suffering.
You face the searing pain your child or children will not visit you. Voices you long to hear will not wish you a happy mother’s day.
As a mother who has experienced heartbreak – may I say – you are precious. The Lord sees your tears and grieves with you over your loss. He cares when you feel like you cannot go on one more day.
Wherever you are on the spectrum of motherhood – even if your children are all safely tucked in their beds at night, you will face daily struggles, simply because you are a mother.
I wish I could say everything will be better. I cannot.
But the wonderful truth is there is hope. Your grief is seen by the Heavenly Father; He cares for you. The Lord saves all your tears in a bottle – He treasures your child. He treasures you and your tears.
You may think, “What difference does that make? Where was God when I needed Him? Empty words can’t change my reality.”
I hear you!
When my heart was breaking, I longed for someone to come alongside and grieve with me. Someone who wouldn’t criticize or have easy answers but would allow me to express my heartache, my doubts, and my fears.
This love letter is what I wish someone had said to me.
Don’t Take False Responsibility
Do you feel you are responsible for the happiness and choices of your husband, the father of your child, your family, and even for your child?
If you do, you believe a lie, which leads to codependency. To take false responsibility enables others to continue in their wrong behavior. And gives them permission to blame you for whatever they do.
Sometimes we wear false responsibility like a badge of courage or use it to make ourselves feel significant. But that leads to pride and bitterness.
Truth: You are not responsible for their happiness or their choices.
Don’t Accept False Guilt
It finally dawned on me if I’m responsible to keep everyone happy and doing what is right, then when they don’t feel happy or make wise chocies, I am guilty.
Let me warn you. The enemy wants you to feel guilty; he loves to accuse and condemn you because tht is how he controls you.
When you swallowed his lie – hook, line, and sinker – that made you responsible for what others feel or do, you became powerless to stand in the truth.
Lies block the flow of God’s love, create limiting beliefs, and cause you to walk in shame.
Truth: Jesus shed His blood to remove all guilt. God has decreed – YOU ARE NOT GUILTY!
Even if you were responsible for what others do – which you are not – God sees you covered with the righteousness of Jesus.
Don’t Bear False Shame
Limiting beliefs solidify the lie God can forgive others but you aren’t worthy of His love or His forgiveness.
You may long for forgiveness, but if you are covered with false shame, you believe you are worthless. Worse, you take shame as your identity.
False responsibility, false guilt and false shame smother you and sentence you to isolation.
Truth: When God looks at you, He sees you as pure and beautiful. There is no guilt. There is no shame.
Let Me Tell You a Secret
The enemy speaks to you using your voice; he speaks in the first person so it sounds like all the thoughts are your very own.
They are not yours unless you choose to make them your very own!
When you do, you believe the lies whispered in your mind, you embrace limiting beliefs, you feel ashamed and worthless.
The problem is, when you come into agreement with the demonic, you engage in self-accusations. Overwhelmed, you blame others as you try to escape your pain.
Truth: The sentence of death was paid.
Even if you had an abortion or hurt your children. Jesus died in your place to forgive you and set you free. Celebrate life!
Dear Heart,
There is hope, no matter your story.
Choose to step out of the prison that declares you are shameful.
Truth won’t rob you of tranquility and peace. Only lies do that.
Quickly step into the presence of the Almighty. The moment you do, He covers with love.
You my dear, have been washed, cleansed, and accepted in Christ! You are declared free from anything false.
And remember:
“There is no condemnation to those who love Jesus and are called by Him”
Take one moment at a time
Take many pauses and breathe
Give yourself permission to fail
You are only responsible for your own choices. Reject false responsibility, false guilt, and false shame.
Allow yourself to grieve your loss
Father, please comfort this dear heart.
May she sense the presence of your Spirit, washing, cleansing, and filling her with your peace and your approval.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13)
With much love,
Barbara
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