Be My Valentine
Valentine’s is upon us. If you are single and like many people, you probably wish you had someone who makes you feel special.
I remember Valentine’s Days when I was discouraged because I was alone. Have you had that experience?
Being alone feels like something is wrong with you; that you are lacking.
I want to quickly say, that is not true.
You are uniquely created as a wonderful masterpiece. You don’t suddenly become more valuable just because someone is attracted to you.
A Valentine Box
Did you have a Valentine Box at your school? When I was in middle school, each classroom had a box. There was a lot of giggling when we placed our Valentine cards in the box to be distributed on Valentine’s. That was when I first longed for a Valentine. As I grew into my teens, I longed for a special person who would find delight in me and want me to be part of his life.
Did you know that is a God given desire? The Lord, who is Love, placed within your heart the desire to belong to someone special. Someone who loves and appreciates you just as you are.
Infatuation & Commitment Love
Love feels good. Especially when it’s infatuation. Falling head over heels in love with someone feels delightful and you want it never to end.
Yes, being in love is one of the most exciting thing in the world. But, when you’re in the trenches of marriage, it doesn’t feel quite so exciting.
While you are single, I encourage you to take time to discern the difference between infatuation and true commitment love. Commitment love honors the other person, even when there are no tingles.
If you quickly feel delighted in each other, take time to let the romance settle. If it’s real, the fire will settle into coals that burn hot and faithful. You see, love stands the test of time.
Infatuation doesn’t. It is a physiological reaction as your body responds to the body of another.
Time puts out the fire of infatuation – and I don’t mean years of time. It might only be weeks or months. The fire will die. If you have placed your trust in it, you will be burnt. Infatuation won’t keep you warm through the cold night like the embers of true love.
Blessings of Relational Intimacy
Because God is relational, He ordained for a man and a woman to reflect His heart of love by entering into a covenant love relationship.
After He brought Eve to Adam and they became man and wife, He said, “This is very good.” It pleasures His heart when the bond of love is established based on respect and commitment.
The Lord blessed Adam and Eve and said, “Be fruitful and multiply.” (Gen 1:28). And so He established within each of us the desire for relational intimacy.
You may be thinking that’s all well and good for Eve – she had her Adam.
That’s true. But the Lord established a boundary to protect you, to encourage fidelity, and to provide safety for children birthed from covenant love. Intimacy comes after covenant. Never before.
I hear you saying, “Yes, but there’s more single women than men. If I don’t give him what he wants, I will lose him. Besides, most men don’t want to commit.”
True. But let’s be real. Why should he commit if he doesn’t have to wait to bed you until after the wedding vows?
Men are hunters. If he can get free sex whenever he wants, he quickly loses interest. When you say no, his interest in you will rise.
Love Has Boundaries
If we stand strong in the power of the Lord’s might, we will begin to have healthy boundaries. We will learn to respect ourselves. And we will demand the men we date treat us with respect.
Here’s the interesting part. It goes back to the Garden. God initiated sexual desires and He gave the covenant of marriage. Within the boundary of covenant relationship – based on respect for God and each other, our legitimate needs for love from the opposite sex will be met.
What’s my point? Apart from that healthy boundary, where a woman respects her own body and refuses to associate with a man who does not respect her – though you may initially enjoy sex – the result will be chaos and confusion.
The Lord tells us love is to be pure.
It is kind. (1 Corinthians 13:4).
It thinks of what is best for the other.
Let me quickly say ladies – that doesn’t mean give your man sex prior to receiving the blessing of marriage. Sex outside covenant love isn’t good for him or for society. And it sure isn’t good for you or the child birthed from such a relationship.
When a man marries, he covenants to accept responsibility for you and your children. That builds a safety net for you.
Did you know if you slept with more than one partner before your first marriage, “you’re 40% more likely to get divorced than women who haven’t”? Intimacy without commitment brings increased risk of divorce and negatively impacts other areas of your life.
God’s Plan for Love
God designed the fruit of love to be children. He also designed parents to provide a safe place, a place of belonging where their child experiences unconditional love and his or her love tank is filled. Sadly, many parents don’t know how to fill their child’s love tank. Even sadder is when there is no covenant relationship and the child is raised without one of his parents.
Every child comes into this world with basic survival requirements. Love, nurture, affirmation, and a place of belonging and safety.
But many of us never experienced God’s good plan for us. Not because He failed or because He didn’t value us. But because our parents were wounded and they tried to meet the needs of their heart in ways that cannot satisfy.
This is really important!
No person can meet your deepest needs. No human can fill your love tank.
Take a look at Jesus. He loves you with a perfect love. He is able to meet your deep needs for love and safety. If you take time to fall in love with Him, He will fill your life with hope. He will teach you how to love. Yourself. And others!
If you are tempted to find someone to make you feel special – first consider this truth. You are of immense value. When Jesus looks at you, He sees a priceless treasure, worthy of respect.
I fear if you don’t believe you are an incredible masterpiece, you will settle for someone who isn’t worthy of you – just so you don’t have to be alone.
Let me quickly say. There is no lonelier place in the world than in a loveless relationship.
So my friend. If you don’t have a Valentine, don’t give up hope. In the midst of your grieving and your loneliness – ask Jesus to be your Valentine. Let Him enfold you in the beauty and wonder of true love.
Then celebrate the wonder of who you are and the fact the Heavenly Father has set His love upon you.
He says to you, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.” (Jer 31:3). May you receive His love.